this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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