i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was born a porn star she said
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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