and she was petting her beer can
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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