now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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