my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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