I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
