You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
