bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We got so high we made milksteak
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
