i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
