I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
