I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
