Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
