I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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