I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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