There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
