i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
