she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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