no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
