Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
