my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
