Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
