K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
