imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
