The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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