you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
