he thought i was a dude.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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