I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
