every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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