New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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