Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My sheets look like a crime scene.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is the high leading the old right now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
