I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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