I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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