Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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