You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
