i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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