i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
