ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
