It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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