ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you win again, gameday.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
