do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
