I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
