420 ftw
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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