I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
