I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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