So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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