so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
