I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
