were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
