If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
