sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
