Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
