ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
